I realise now why I don't complain very much. It's not because I'm English, it's just because I find it so fucking mind-numbingly depressing having to explain why I'm pissed off about something that ought to be:

a) obvious
b) unacceptable
c) just serves to remind me that the vast majority of people working in the world are content to exist in a state of perpetual and total fucking mediocrity.

This has all been brought on by a barrage of incompetence over the last week. Offenders include:

Fabrix cases (6/10) - forgot to send my iPhone case. I had to send some furiously shitty e-mails before I got a response, but at least they DID respond and gave me $10 off my next purchase so even though I have to wait a MONTH to get my case, then at least they could be arsed to say sorry, bless 'em. This counts as a "success". I despair.

The Tooting Tram & Social (4/10) - it's the one nice bar in deep Sarf, Sarf London, but their cash machines were off so I had to keep running to the bank and it was so rammed I had to wait an HOUR. Yes. A Fucking Hour. To get to the bar. I tell you if it hadn't been my mate's birthday I would have been out of there like a fucking shot. Cunts.

Argos (4/10) - Amazing, brazen, lying fucks. Truly. When you say something is in stock on your website and I fucking pay for it, maybe you ought to say "No it's not in stock" if it's not in stock. Telling me it's in stock so I pay for it and then it not being in stock is what we call "a lie" and it tends to get your customers really fucking pissed off with you.

Nintendo (1/10) - why do these silly cunts never make enough product? Would I open a shop and fail to stock it with any shit to buy, then be amazed when people get irritated? No. Please commit Sepukku immediately you useless bastards. And fire your operations director, he's clearly spent the profits on crack. He certainly hasn't been doing any operational planning has he, you fucking dicks.

I get no pleasure from this. In fact, it crushes my very soul.

Please can everyone just take a deep breath and stop fucking things up. Otherwise I'm going to just go completely anarchist and start sending CEO's bags of human shit and pouring petrol through letter boxes and stuff. This is generally considered unacceptable by society so I'm trying not to, you know?

But if you make me, then by god. You're going to get a human poo sandwich and it's all your fault.