Traditional humidors are used for keeping cigars moist. As you can see, this one’s a little different. Though complex in detail, it is in essence a humidor in which lobsters are kept, in order that they might ripen and mature.

As you’re no doubt aware, humidors are basically well wicked. The lobster–keeping capabilities of this particular example make it even more wicked than the notorious lobster–shaped version, valued at $850 US. That means that this one is more wicked than $850, which is not bad considering I made it out of pixels and mind–waves. (Which I didn’t even have to pay for.)

Though in-depth analysis is currently underway, using a variety of industry-standard equipment ranging from CrustaStun’s Single Stunner and Continuous Flow Crustacean Stunner through to Avure Technologies’ “Fresher Under Pressure 215L ULTRA” (PDF), so far we have no way of knowing whether the lobsters enjoy being kept in the humidor.

Let’s face it, they’re pretty fucking stupid, so they probably don’t care either way. We should just eat the fuckers.

(Well, when they’re ripe. Obviously.)

We'll keep you up to date with any breakthroughs, but in the meantime, we trust that our discursive or declamatory outpourings will serve to keep you entertained, and to whet your appetite. Enjoy.